Circa 12/20/2014


One Friday night, I went bar hopping with Darren who brought Chris – a guy he was dating at the time. They’re both in their 30’s. We chatted a bit and decided to scout the room for a potential mate for me. I jokingly pointed to a guy and, to my surprise, Chris got up and approached him to tell him how I liked him! I was so embarrassed. Darren and I were bursting with laughter. Anyway, the guy said that he was taken. We chatted some more then got around to several bars and had a good time.


There was one bar that I liked, purely because of the crowd. A few harmless smiles were thrown around the room when we arrived. I felt welcomed. While we were ordering drinks, there was an incredibly tall man inching closer behind me by the minute, looking down on me like he was going to eat me. The distance between him and I was suffocatingly close. Darren finally got our drinks and we booked it out of there.


I had so much fun, I nearly kidnapped a teddy bear from that place.


When we were at our last bar together, I met this 21-year-old guy. He was with a group of university students whom I chimed in with. Darren and Chris told him to get my phone number, as they know that I wouldn’t give it out. Darren and Chris went home and left me alone to be with him. After a being with this boy for a while, I felt like I was caring for a child. Haha. I was over it.


It finally came time for their group to return home to Redmond. Their car was parked opposite ways from me. When I took out my keys from my pocket, I thought the night was over. I briefly had to remind myself that I didn’t have a curfew and nobody is waiting for me at home! So I easily waltzed myself into a gay nightclub and danced. There was this super cute, young and shitfaced white boy who sometimes felt it necessary to dance with a girl, but totally enjoyed a gay guy’s company. He reminds me of a closeted Christian boy who sang Christian music back in my hometown, ahem, Spencer, ahem.


I then met Zach, who is 25yo, Irish and German, and 5’9″. He impressively had many friends with him in the nightclub. We danced a little bit and he was hitting on me hard – he seemed keen and had a lot of interests. He invited me to his X-mas that was happening the following night, I accepted it. He then swore that he never asked this often to other people… he asked me out to dinner and to take me out on dates. He asked for my phone number.


I saw him again at the night of the X-mas party. It was in this condo that he and his ex-bf bought for $315,000. He introduced me to a lot of his friends, I liked that a lot. I talked to several people and networked. Frankly, one of the guys there recognized me and asked if I was one of the “master trainers” at his gym (and I was). This guy was super cute. He is a software engineer at Amazon who was clearly fit and was very easy to chat with. Had he not have a partner, I would have loved to go out and get to know him better.


There were about 30-50 people in the party, and soon we started leaving Zach’s condo and trickling into a gay club, where, by the end of the night, a good amount of the guys remove their shirts and continued to dance.


We drove to our destination, it was not far, I went with Dee and Calvin who insisted I go with. My cover charge and drink was paid for. I had so much freakin’ fun dancing, flirting, and being looked out for by people from the party. It felt like it was my birthday. There were easily eight guys who were hitting on me. Zach told me he was getting a little bit jealous while I was talking to one of them. I sat on a stool, completely buzzed, and this other guy came up to me, lifted my legs, and started doing missionary style to me to the beat of the music. I told him to stop, he kept going, and I innocently laughed it off then got myself out of that situation.


The same cute guy from the party who works at Amazon saw me by the stairs alone and walked up to me. He asked me if I was thirsty. I said yes, so we walked over to get a drink. He was sweet, though I still didn’t know his name. The three of us danced together at one point. It felt a little weird, I played it cool when I was around his boyfriend. I wish I kept contact!


It was such a fun night.


Zach and a few of his friends was ready to hit another club that evening. There were cute guys that Zach was chatting with when we got inside. Zach knows so many people! This is probably why he is becoming real estate agent come February.


It wasn’t too long when Zach asked if I’d like to go over to one of his friend’s house next, of course I said yes. I got to see another side of life of the gays. I thought Zach’s condo was very nice, but this house is amaaaazing. Hot friends dancing in the kitchen, there was a bit of snacks around – I was tired and sat in the living room by myself, I was tired.


It was a great evening. I experienced something new in life and genuinely exciting. I had a good time, something I haven’t had in a very long time.


Dear Diary,


I ate a bag of Lay’s today. Felt like shit afterwards – like I was losing my abs and wanting to “tuck it in”. It was that weird physiological feeling after eating something bad.




Please, let’s stick to proper breakfast next time.




circa 05/09/2014

Bisexual Nathan’s Return

Nathan is a bisexual guy who I’ve had history with and have been trying to understand. He’s been over at my old place about two years ago and have had really good sex. We’ve also spent a night at a Marriott hotel on the 22nd floor in downtown during one our dates. I remember that evening, we went out for dinner and a nightclub. Before we went back to our hotel, there was this guy he wanted to say bye to but couldn’t find him (thank goodness). Somehow, along the way, we managed to grab coconut oil and used it for that evening, if you know what I mean.

Anyways, this guy seems emotionally unavailable and does things on his own. He doesn’t talk much, we just do stuff. It’s difficult to establish a meaningful friendship with this guy. The type of friendship we have is the kind where we hangout annually to catch up, do stuff and then it’s over; kind of like a doctor’s appointment.

So this time he decided that we have some brunch and go to a co-ed bathhouse. Oh how I love to spend money… *eye roll*

In the span of our time together, he tells me that he impregnated a woman last year who had a miscarriage around December, a woman who was pregnant for 6 months. A few months later he then went on this trip to some Asian country that was celebrating New Year’s and had plenty of gay stories to tell. In one of his stories, it got really hot in the nightclub so he removed his shirt and continued dancing, the nightclub suddenly goes pitch dark and turned on its “black lights” and his neon green underwear that peaked from his pants were the only thing that was lit up in the room. To everyone’s amusement, they started running their hands all over his body; everywhere. Then a hand grabbed his right shoulder to turn him around and ask him where he’s from. It was an old white guy who owns the nightclub, who tried to offer him a job for $300 a night. The man said people in the nightclub typically just bar hop and leave, but that night they are staying and buying drinks again and again because of Nathan’s presence. According to Nathan, the DJ noticed that this was going on and phoned the owner of the club to get there and see what was happening.

Somewhere in Nathan’s timeline, he went to Iceland and was out in the streets headed back to his hotel. A recruiter came up to him and asked if he wanted to join this nightclub that was having an event where he would get on stage and dance naked in front of an audience in some sort of “competition” with 11 other guys. Of course he said yes. There he was, backstage, being offered endless drinks and wasn’t allowed to get out. Nathan said it was quite an experience and that he had fun. He noted that the guy that “won” was always in the restroom jacking off so he could be hard and appear big on stage. He even caught two guys giving each other a blow job in the middle of the bathroom, not even hiding in one of the stalls. These were guys that were recruited that same night.

All in all, Nathan goes to these far-away vacation trips by himself and have fun. He’s pretty much a lone wolf. I will never understand what future he’s got planned for himself, but it seems like he’s got a good, functioning circuit going on and I’m just going to leave it at that. Sometimes, people just find it more comfortable to go through life alone and manages to find an audience that listens to them every once in awhile.

10 Tips on How to be Good Looking

Well this here’s the gist:

      1. Workout consistently on a weekly basis, considerably well. Know what you are doing – know your warm ups, curriculum, and cool downs. Research regimes, join a workout studio, and or find an affordable personal trainer.
      2. Eat at a timely manner and keep a routine of it. 8am, 12pm, and 5/6pm for breakfast, lunch & dinner. Be picky with what you consume, because what you put in is limited and count towards you being full. Take time eating, until you feel your stomach is at least 3/4 full; then you stop and carry on with daily activities. Further than that, you’re just being a glutton. There’s always food to eat tomorrow – especially for the majority of America or any 1st world countries. Prepare enough food for you not to put to waste. You don’t have to finish everything on your plate when you are full. You will gradually learn how much to cook so you do not throw away left overs.
      3. Genetically modified foods are hard to metabolize than organic foods. The harder something is metabolized into energy, the easier they are to be stored as fat (and harder to convert back into energy to “burn” vs. glucose/simple sugar). Things that are turned into fat include excess/unused vitamins, proteins (like creatine/granola bars), and any form of energy that are used or not used for biosynthesis.
      4. Learn how to dress like a civilized, educated human being.
      5. Be sophisticated by not being ignorant about other countries. Start learning where United States is on the map, the countries around it, and take interest about the world around you – especially things that immediately affects you and the next generation of people that would come or were born after you depending how local you want to be concerned.
      6. Build confidence and competency.
      7. Practice modulating your voice and the sound of your voice.
      8. Hygiene, fresh breath & fresh body scent.
      9. Smooth skin. Appropriate hygiene & proper organic meals rid of potential break outs & lead to keeping acne at bay – or nonexistent. If you break out in acne anywhere else on your body, wear clothes at night to bed – and consider washing your bed sheets often. Be aware of your habits such as touching your face often and what you stress about.
      10. Maintain these steps and use them as a foundation to be good looking, and you will be set.

Starbucks Clerk

Circa 10/01/2013

I asked if the “Gingerbread Latte” was good, the guy behind the cash register sold it to me so well I ordered the largest size. It turned out to be absolutely disgusting.

Never asking for Starbucks cash registers’ opinions again!


Before guy left, he asked me if I liked it. I lied…

OK, He’s Working for Google Now

Oh my gosh! I am having a major meltdown. No, just kidding. I’m just so elated that my friend Justin was extended a job offer at Google after doing an entire career change from chemical engineering to software engineer. Ugh. So apparently, those $17,000 bootcamps for three months actually do work. After two months of job hunting, three months of intense training, and other sacrifices he’s finally landed a job offer. AHHH. I’m so happy for him… ok I’m going to the gym. :3

Law of Attraction

circa 10.30.13

I find the law of attraction useful. It helped me when I watched it my sophomore year in high school and now this time again. Reading my previous journals, I was reminded by this movie that I have slipped out of what I learned and was deviating from what I should be thinking.

Now I need to remember to work on feeling good all the while being diligent. If you are feeling good you are doing things that are on track that you are desiring, feel bad then you are going off track.

Whatever you are feeling and thinking today creates your future. Your thoughts and feeling create your life. What you focus on in thoughts or feeling regardless if you like it or not.

Feel prosperous, healthy, happiness, and loved even if it’s not there. Then, the universe will correspond to the nature of your song, feeling and manifest because that’s the way you feel.

Thoughts and feelings are important, that’s the secret.

Feeling love. That’s a gift. Ie. When I see my pet goldfish when I get home.

STEPS Creative process

  1. Ask – make a command to the universe, let the universe know what you want. And the universe responds to your thoughts. [What do you really want? Sit down and write it down in the present tense. I am so happy and grateful now that… and then write down how you want your life to be. I want this personality, this career, etc.]
  2. Believe – believe that it’s already yours. Believe in the unseen. The universe will rearrange itself to make it happen for you. You don’t know how, it will be shown to you, you will attract the way. Recognize doubt, and have unwavering faith…I know like I know that I will have it.
  3. Receive – feel wonderful about it, feel it now. Believe that you already have it now. It’s a feeling universe, so if you intellectually believe something but have corresponding feeling you will not have it. You have to feel it.

Figure out how to generate the feelings of having it now and having them to literally attract it.

The universe likes speed. Don’t delay, don’t second guess, don’t doubt, when the impulse or intuitive nudge is there, act. That’s your job, and that’s all you have to do. Pay attention to what you are attracted to.

Grass doesn’t strain to grow, if it has the water that it needs. Attract that water.

Power process.

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. So think larger.

Steps Powerful process

  1. Gratitude – be thankful of what you have, feel good
  2. Visualize – Dwell upon the end result. Feel that you already have it, not that you are about to get it. Feel like a developer, not going to be a developer. The feeling place of really being in “the car”. The how will show up out of the commitment and belief in the what. Feeling that I’ve already acquired it.

Science Class

circa 10.28.13

Yesterday, a girl ran up to me while I was heading to the library. Our upcoming excel practicum came into the conversation and I’m just over the fact that some people are overconfident and dependent on their savvy that they don’t bother to practice or even look at the material. They end up, of course, slightly selling the idea (to me) to reassure themselves that they’ve made a right decision not to review. I thought, yes it’s just an excel practicum, yet even though I can code in different programming languages, survive biochemistry, and do other complicated shit, I still want to make sure that I’m efficient at something I will be graded at. What am I in school for if I was just going to pick and choose things I am efficient on and then put my feet up and relax? What am I going to do with my time not studying, become a martyr and stop a bank robbery?

This reminds me of a time, a week before, when I was learning origin, insertion, and action of muscles for a quiz we had in A&P lab. A sophomore asked how ready I am for it, well, I was still learning it and my answer then was a subjective 90%. When I did go back to studying for the next 4 hours, I wasn’t close to that number at all until the very end. I did get a 100% on the quiz though. Long story short, I told him no, 90% is never enough. There tends to be a theme among the majority of people on campus to relax and just be average. I wonder what important things they do with their lives moments before a quiz or exam, check their Facebook?


These people are wonderful people. It’s just that there are subtle things worth reexamining, especially things that are left overlooked and happens often .

Gym Class

circa 10.24.13

So today at the gym lockers after PE, someone got cheated on just recently by their girlfriend. I didn’t know exactly what to say or advice when he inquired what he should do, he wanted to do something big. These are just one of many menial things, in my opinion, 20 something college student face.

I’m quite glad that I don’t ever have to face such scenario… having never been in one. I’ve also opted out of Facebook (2 years and counting) and I just pity those who have them… because when I look at computer screens here on campus, a huge majority of them are stuck between Facebook and working on something else that would usually be academic related.

There are so many other things to worry about, maybe I am just judging from the outside, but as an observer, I’d like to think that contemplating what next year will be like and what I need to set out and do to achieve my goals are more easily feasible with less distractions in life. Admittedly, I’m already distracted enough – I want to work on learning Java/Ruby On Rails but I have to  give my main attention keeping up and nurturing my attention on my Kinesiology major and internship which are taking up a large spot on my plate. I’m quite proud to say, that this just might be the right mentality of a 4th year college senior.



——-This needs to be edited. I need to get back to work

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